Is there anyone like this?
I'm always caring about people.
Comparing yourself to others.
I'm doing the right thing but it's not going well.
I will summarize my thoughts after reading two books,
"The Courage to Be Disliked" and "The Courage to Be Happy," which are perfect introductions to Adlerian psychology
It is written in the form of a discussion between a philosopher and a young man.
It's like a script for a play.
"The Courage to Be Disliked" Learn the basics of Adlerian psychology.
You can learn practical content after learning the "courage to be happy."
Life is a series of "choices."
It is important to know how to make the best choice for you.
At that time, people tend to make "safe" choices without even realizing it.
Because it's "scary."
It takes courage to overcome those scary feelings and move forward in life.
This book contains discussion methods to help you have the courage to make decisions.
What is Adlerian Psychology?
Adlerian Psychology was founded by Alfred Adler, an Austrian psychiatrist and psychologist.
He is about 100 years ago, but this psychology was created after overcoming difficult times such as World War I.
For more information, please refer to Wikipedia.
The details will be explained in the next section, but in simple terms it is the psychology of "encouragement."
This name is rarely familiar in Japan.
Most psychology books on the streets are all Freud and Jung, but it seems that Adler is gradually increasing these days.
It is said that the reason why it is not well known in Japan is because Adler himself did not take many disciples and because he has not written many books.
However, overseas, it is said to be a very standard psychology.
Recently, the hit of "The Courage to Be Disliked" has become popular, but at first it felt difficult.
It also seems that it has a disappointing effect, such as being viewed incorrectly and being used as a reason for accepting corporal punishment.
That's why I would like to understand Adlerian psychology by clearly grasping the essence.
Important points of Adlerian psychology
Adlerian psychology is also known as "personal psychology."
What it means is
Because we consider the individual to be an entity that cannot be further divided, we believe that human life is the whole individual, using the functions necessary for the individual, to act towards their goals.
is. It's very difficult to imagine this.
Now, after reading "The Courage to Be Disliked" and "The Courage to Be Happy," there are five important points that I found to be important.
The purpose, not the cause, is important
Until now, I have believed that the cause of problems was in the past as a "common sense."
However, this means finding the cause.
The important thing is to think about the "purpose" in which the problem occurred.
To give an example, let's say there is someone who is a "hikikomori".
If we focus on the "cause," we can't go outside because we have had painful experiences in the past (such as bullying at school).
It's normal to think that.
However, Adlerian psychology considers "purpose."
In other words, what was the purpose of becoming a "hikikomori"?
To put it simply, it's not that you can't go outside because you've had a hard time in the past, but that's because you don't want to go outside, you just pull out events that suit you and give them meaning.
To put it more simply, I just don't want to go outside.
The important thing here is to make meaning.
It is true that there have been some tough things in the past.
However, how to "interpret" it depends on the person.
Even if it's a painful experience, you can positively express your meaning by saying that you have a current situation because you have had one,
but in the case of a shut-in, you can unconsciously express it as "sick and hurt."
The problem is to separate
This is the way of thinking that interests me most.
This is what separates issues.
Parents sometimes complain that their children don't study.
Whether or not to study is a child's task.
In contrast, it is the parents' purpose and a challenge to prevent them from moving to a good company in the future.
In other words, what is currently the problem is, "Whose problem is this?"
The child says, but isn't that actually a problem for parents?
Interpersonal troubles can be caused by either "stepping into someone else's challenges" or "involving those around you in your own challenges."
The former is a good thing, someone who stepes into someone's heart with his shoes on his own.
It seems that many people do the latter because they think it's good for others.
It is probably because neither of these have any "malicious intentions" that they are prone to trouble.
Anyway, it is important to determine who is the problem (issues) that are currently occurring.
Freedom is being disliked by others
Although the title of the book is the same as that, in my case I was always trying to keep an eye on other people's faces.
Don't be disliked by people.
And always wear a fake smile and make sure you're happy with the other person.
But if you do that, you'll really "dislike me."
On the other hand, it is important to live freely as you want without fear of being disliked.
I'm not saying you should hate me.
There are many popular people out there.
So is that person free? It's free.
Don't you hate being disliked? Of course, if you say you don't like it, you'll lie.
However, there is a need to "separate issues."
Whether the other person likes me or dislikes me is a challenge.
I can't change the other person.
If you try to operate it, it could repel you and cause trouble.
This is where the word "courage" came up.
You will need to study Adlerian psychology more to find out why you need the courage to be disliked.
But they say that the safest place is the scariest place.
There is no trauma
Many people will be repulsed when they say this.
However, Adlerian psychology, which is centered around teleology, believes that the problems currently occurring are merely resolving the past.
So it's a bit silly that there's a past cause.
I also thought I couldn't get along with other people, but when I think about it, I just didn't want to be around people.
That's why they just pulled out some unpleasant things that had happened in the past and gave them meaning.
So I don't care, "What happened then?"
The important thing is, "What shall we do now?"
Giving love to others leads to happiness
I say give and take is important, but I don't think that's a difference.
Adler also talks about love.
As well as me, most people choose a lifestyle (like a way of life): "How do you become loved?"
However, that was a story from childhood, and now that I'm an adult, I have to break away.
In other words, it becomes important to be in the "how to love" section, and the active action of loving will eventually become happiness for the entire community, and as a result, it becomes happiness for yourself.
This is a very abstract and large-scale story, so I still don't understand it, but to put it simply,
I think it's about being the one who always gives you
a "given and give" Those who want to be loved become "TAKER" and no one approaches such people.
What is "the courage to be disliked" and "the courage to be happy"
"The Courage to Be Disliked" and "The Courage to Be Happy" are recommended as an introductory book to Adlerian psychology.
Adlerian psychology can be said to be a psychology of "encouragement" that helps you choose what you originally wanted.
I really want to work, hobbies, love, etc. But I don't have the courage to do that.
If there is a problem that is hitting a wall, what does that problem mean to you now?
I think it's a good idea to think about that.
I had a lot of problems with my work and socializing.
So I'm always thinking about how I'm making sense to that problem.
How to utilize Adlerian psychology in your daily life
It's a big headline, but the important thing is to not think you've read and understand "The Courage to Be Disliked" and "The Courage to Be Happy."
If you read it and think it's a good book, you'll think "it's the same as not learning."
After studying, take a step.
In my case, I would like to start by approaching the other person myself.
summary
Thank you for reading to the end.
This time, I'll be reading "The Courage to Be Disliked" and "The Courage to Be Happy" and what I noticed, and what will I do now?
I've written about what I thought.
Yes, it's not what the cause is, it's important to know what to do from now on.
You can't go back to the past, and it doesn't change anything when you return.
To put it more simply, there is no "past."
I make many different decisions, but what does that mean?
And I think it's important to have courage and take a step forward.
That's it, Taiko.
